na-na

i have never been this restless… I only realized that when I saw my face in the mirror this morning… gosh…

Resignation, Shifting Gears and the "Article:P63,525"

Of my resignation…

Finally, after contemplating on this for more than a year, I finally filed in my resignation. If the thinking process was hard, the implementation part was way way harder. But as what I have been telling my friends for the past two weeks, I have never been so sure of whether I made the right decision or not until I talked to my boss, and he BOSSED me up big time! I’m blogging about the conversation I had with this BS Boss of mine (but not for long) with the slightest emotions driving me. Because honestly, I never took any of his words to heart as what I was seeing at that time was a beast more than a person. Through this post, I just want to document all the unimaginable things he said to me that I surprisingly able to laugh at with my colleagues the moment I stepped out of his hell, er, office.

BACKGROUND: BS Boss is the perfect example of those terror bosses we thought we could only see in TV… He yells, he gets red, he calls people by names, saw him threw a project folder to a manager twice, he plays favorite, he wants to micromanage, he always have the last say on EVERYTHING even as simple as font size or font color, he is judgemental, he goes personal on people most of the time, he is definitely far from being loyal to the absent, he says the nastiest things to those who are not around… Objectively speaking, he is good, he has lots of brilliant ideas. Most of the time, his directions are right. But he has the worst manner of relaying that to his people. He gives vague stand on issues and expects everyone to be able to read his mind and do what he imagines them to do without clarity in his self-drawn objectives. He says one thing now and a totally contradicting statement the next day, and he’ll point the blame on people whom he expects will be able to read his mood swings.

—gosh! can’t believe I was not able to finish this post. Too bad, I can no longer remember what I was supposed to write on this… tsk tsk..

"Pseudo Relationships" - are they really the "in" thing or simply the way to go these days?

A friend recently forwarded to me an email about pseudo relationships and why they exist… I sort of able to relate myself to what the author of that email was saying because I am currently in one of those pseudo relationships. According to that email, that kind of set up exists because of the following major reasons (or a combination):

1. Two people are in love with each other but they both know that they are not yet ready or mature enough to handle a relationship. Hence, they just go with the flow without committing to a relationship.

2. Two people feel something so special with one another, they enjoy doing things together, love spending time with one another,  but neither of them is brave enough to talk about it .

3. Past lovers, who after breaking up might have tried to be with other people, but after sometime realized that those relationships won’t work either, ended up doing things as they used to when they were still lovers minus the commitment thing. Probably so as not to let their past mistakes ruin the same relationship or because they too aren’t still sure whether they really want to be back in each others’ arms or they simply can’t find their true love that for the meantime, they can do with what used to work in the past.

My situation would obviously fall under the third one. Pseudo relationships can probably be considered as a very practical set up given those situations mentioned above. Practical in the sense that you can be happy without sacrificing your other priorities. But like in any other more “common” relationships, pseudo relationships would only come across as the best option if both parties are in the same mind frame–more aptly put, same emotional stability or instability.

In other words, if it is a mutual choice, well and good, win-win. However, if this set up is a choice for one party alone and the other party is wishing for something more, then it becomes a win-lose situation. The pseudo relationship then becomes a source of more heart breaks, disappointments and sometimes false hopes for the losing end.

Then again it will always be a choice, and each person would always be entitled to his/her own choice. Only in the course of choosing, we sometimes let ourselves continue to grieve at the losing end. Clouding the darker side that we might end up being junked and still rejected in the end, by choosing to look at the silver lining that there could still be a chance that what we’re aching for will be given to us. Again there goes the false hope that no matter what, it will always be a happy ending, it will still be a “happily ever after”.

Bad Bad Weekend

My would-be Palawan vacation this coming thursday is already ruined because of the many misacts and lies that I had to tolerate since friday of last week.

My patience was put into so much tests and I could no longer take any more of it. This is the first time that I felt sort of abused already and I even asked myself what might have I done for this person to treat me that way. To give you an idea, I’ll share with you bits and pieces of my weekend story:

Friday night: I was having dinner with friends. He was texting me telling me he’ll drop by my house later that night (he was still practicing drums with officemates). Told him he could pick me up from trinoma instead since me and my friends would probably be spending some more time for coffee. He said he can’t. I asked why, no answer. However, when coffee was finished he called me up, telling me he was picking me up and we could spend some time at bk chillin’. We were in the car already when his phone rang. Overheard him saying “sige sunod ako.” I wouldn’t have reacted to that, but the next thing I knew, we were pulling over in front of my house. Get it? He just brought me home, cancelling our bk plan without a single word even just for the mere sake of “hey for your info, I’m cancelling our plans.”

Deep breath… Deep breath… When he realized my face wasn’t as friendly as it normally looks, he sensed the problem. However, he was able to lure me with his lambing so I ended up telling him “enjoy the night and just text me you got home” before kissing him goodbye, silently reminding myself that he needs to spend time with his friends and I shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Saturday: The “goodmorning” call went quite late given his previous nights’ gimmick. He said they’ll have another round of practice today. Lunchtime, he called me up again saying they’re done practicing. Mid afternoon, I phoned him just to ask if he’s back home already. Guess what he told me… “we’re going to quezon, road trip”. Take note, he said it wasn’t planned, just barkada trip “biglaan.” I went blank… It was almost 3pm, they’re going to quezon (same friends he was with last night), probably arrive there almost night time, have some drinks, sleep, then go to the beach sunday late morning until afternoon… So what happened to last week’s plan of us going to spa together on Sunday???

Told him not to go anymore, he didn’t listen. Assured me we’re still pushing through with Sunday plans…

Sunday: Lunchtime he texted me, said we’ll probably have to adjust the spa appointment a little later than what we originally planned. Fine with me… At 5 I was expecting him to be on his way back to manila. At 6, his text message was: “paalis pa lang kami“… Me, was a little hysteric, “nananadya ka?”.

11pm, was about to sleep already, in my worst mood ever… My phone rang, it was him. Said he’s outside, was even insisting we push through with plans of going to spa and dine out, this time much much sweeter, he knew I was burning. I went out for him, looked him straight in the eyes and said “you’re too late.”

When I looked inside the car, I saw his towel, wet clothes, board shorts… “So, biglaan nga pala!”

Insensitive, liar, abusive, selfish…

Go On Boy…

You had me, on bargain, I won’t deny that. But you made it so hard, so impossible to an extent, for me to stay in love with you. I simply had too much. I’ve grown so tired of all the pain you’ve caused me. If you cannot avoid doing things that you know would hurt me, then it only means you can very well afford to lose me.

Quoting Ne-yo: Please don’t worry ’bout me I’m fine, only gonna play the fool one time (though I know I played the fool too many times for you), trust me when I say, that I’ll be okay… go on boy…